Last night, I had a dream that I had special vitamins. The label's supplemental facts listed some ingredients and their functions, and the first one was "white man's sweat (adenosine... ...)" (for biology geeks: no, it was not adenosine tri-phosphate; it was adenosine [I forget the rest]).
I was kind of embarrassed of having these strange vitamins, and I didn't want to seem vain about my race or anything, so I concealed them from people who glanced in my direction. I also had this strange pill called "how to get white chicks" or something, and I DEFINITELY didn't want anybody to see THAT. If anyone found out, they'd immediately assume that that's how I've been getting the few girls I'd ever gotten. They would also assume that I have a preference for blonde chicks -- something that my friend Alexene had always suspected, and that I had always denied.
One part of me knew that I didn't need these stupid pills, especially that "how to get white chicks" one. So I passed on that. But the other one was more intriguing. I wondered, "Do white people really have something in their sweat Asian people don't?" And so I took the pill. I suddenly felt more confident. Fortunately, penis enlargement was not implicated at all in my dream, which suggests that I am not insecure about that very popular stereotype of Asian people.
Shortly afterwards, I found myself in a strange game of counter-strike holding DUAL deagles! Which is impossible in counter-strike; there are dual elites, and the deagle, but never dual deagles. I was amazed by their firepower together. (sidenote: I played a LOT of counterstrike last night)
Interpretation of dream: When I sweat like a white man, I become a lunatic serial killer.
Freudian interpretation: I have a secret desire to be white and have two penises.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
How to Kill a Balloon Spider
In this dream, I kill a balloon spider, a sand maggot, the Hulk, and my friend Francis.
We are in a vacation house in Taiwan. Many families are there, all friends of my parents. I am casually conversing with some people in what seems to be the living room.
In the neighboring kitchen, some little kids yell "spider!" I've always hated spiders, but I love shooting them with rubber bands. So I ask around, in Chinese, "Does anyone have a.... a.... you know that thing that... [pst how do you say "rubber band" in Chinese, I ask my mom] xiang pi jin OH YEAH does anyone have a XIANG PI JIN??!!!!" My mother starts to look in her purse for one, but she is too slow. I spy a rubber band falling from my sister's hair, about to tumble into the front of her shirt, so I snatch it before it does.
I enter the kitchen and see the spider (approx. 1 inch in diameter). Many little kids are crowded around it. Suddenly everyone loses sight of it. "It turned too fast!" the kids complain in English (it is presumed that the remainder of the dream occurs in English). I figure out that by "turn" they must have meant "fly" because there the spider goes, flying with enormous wings that were approximately 3 inches long and bent upwards. Coupled with the wings, the spider spans about 5 times his original body length.
It lands. Someone attempts to step on it with his bare foot. "YEAH YEAH KILL IT" I encourage. Unfortunately, his big toe only just grazes and half-wounds the spider. The spider becomes intimidated and spreads his wings again. Its wings form into a giant balloon about 5 inches in diameter, and it floats towards me. It lands on me and exposes its scorpion-like stinger.
"AHHHH HELP" I cry as I attempt to detach it from my face. Someone comes to my rescue and detaches it from my face. We pop the spider's balloon, and it quickly deflates, and the spider appears to die. However, we soon realize that this is a double-being. Nestled in the balloon is a Sand Maggot, fully intact and alive. I run to get the kitchen knives (of which there are about 25), and toss 3 of those knives to a guy, who throws the knives at the sand maggot and easily kills it.
"Oh, I guess we won't be needing more than those 3 knives," I said with a relief.
Just when we think we've finally killed this resilient "spider," further complications arise. The other half of the "double-being" is no longer a spider; it has become the Hulk -- the big green Hulk from the movie. He is mad, he is green, and he is charging at me.
I run to the kitchen and grab a couple more knives. I throw some knives at him and he appears to die. However, he gets back up as his true form, my friend Francis. Francis intends to duel me, so I duel him: I get the knives, and he doesn't.
I make multiple lethal blows to Francis, both by throwing knives and by stabbing with them (my arsenal of 25 kitchen knives seems endless), and Francis does not even scratch me. Although he is going through the motions of combat, he appears to be not even trying sincerely. This is understandable by the fact that he seems invincible: every time he falls from lethal blows to the face and torso, he gets back up and challenges me again. He even survives a stab to the eye from a peculiar kitchen knife that I grabbed resembling a corkscrew.
Finally, he says, "Ok, Max, one last time. If you can beat me, I'll leave you alone." This intimidates me, because now Francis is actually going to try to fight. I had easily defeated him the past couple of times, but can I still defeat him? I am tired and weary. I call out from what has become the family room of my house, to Jeff, who is cooking in what has become the kitchen of my house, "hey Jeff, wanna sub in?" Jeff silently continues to cook in his flowery apron, and does not respond.
But then I feel guilty and selfish from putting Jeff in danger, so I decide instead to finish the duel myself. And so it begins. This time, the struggle is much more intense. Francis blocks or dodges all of my stabs and even manages to get his hands on one of my knives! He throws the knife at me... and it bounces off my body harmlessly, due to his lack of skill in the art of knife-throwing. After another short struggle, I finally have him in an inescapable headlock, my knife trained on his head, ready to thrust.
The dream ends abruptly at this moment, and it is assumed that I kill Francis with a final blow to the head. I believe the reason for this dream's abrupt ending is a vain effort to avoid an R-Rating due to "excessive gore."
We are in a vacation house in Taiwan. Many families are there, all friends of my parents. I am casually conversing with some people in what seems to be the living room.
In the neighboring kitchen, some little kids yell "spider!" I've always hated spiders, but I love shooting them with rubber bands. So I ask around, in Chinese, "Does anyone have a.... a.... you know that thing that... [pst how do you say "rubber band" in Chinese, I ask my mom] xiang pi jin OH YEAH does anyone have a XIANG PI JIN??!!!!" My mother starts to look in her purse for one, but she is too slow. I spy a rubber band falling from my sister's hair, about to tumble into the front of her shirt, so I snatch it before it does.
I enter the kitchen and see the spider (approx. 1 inch in diameter). Many little kids are crowded around it. Suddenly everyone loses sight of it. "It turned too fast!" the kids complain in English (it is presumed that the remainder of the dream occurs in English). I figure out that by "turn" they must have meant "fly" because there the spider goes, flying with enormous wings that were approximately 3 inches long and bent upwards. Coupled with the wings, the spider spans about 5 times his original body length.
It lands. Someone attempts to step on it with his bare foot. "YEAH YEAH KILL IT" I encourage. Unfortunately, his big toe only just grazes and half-wounds the spider. The spider becomes intimidated and spreads his wings again. Its wings form into a giant balloon about 5 inches in diameter, and it floats towards me. It lands on me and exposes its scorpion-like stinger.
"AHHHH HELP" I cry as I attempt to detach it from my face. Someone comes to my rescue and detaches it from my face. We pop the spider's balloon, and it quickly deflates, and the spider appears to die. However, we soon realize that this is a double-being. Nestled in the balloon is a Sand Maggot, fully intact and alive. I run to get the kitchen knives (of which there are about 25), and toss 3 of those knives to a guy, who throws the knives at the sand maggot and easily kills it.
 |
| Diablo 2 Sand Maggot |
"Oh, I guess we won't be needing more than those 3 knives," I said with a relief.
Just when we think we've finally killed this resilient "spider," further complications arise. The other half of the "double-being" is no longer a spider; it has become the Hulk -- the big green Hulk from the movie. He is mad, he is green, and he is charging at me.
I run to the kitchen and grab a couple more knives. I throw some knives at him and he appears to die. However, he gets back up as his true form, my friend Francis. Francis intends to duel me, so I duel him: I get the knives, and he doesn't.
I make multiple lethal blows to Francis, both by throwing knives and by stabbing with them (my arsenal of 25 kitchen knives seems endless), and Francis does not even scratch me. Although he is going through the motions of combat, he appears to be not even trying sincerely. This is understandable by the fact that he seems invincible: every time he falls from lethal blows to the face and torso, he gets back up and challenges me again. He even survives a stab to the eye from a peculiar kitchen knife that I grabbed resembling a corkscrew.
Finally, he says, "Ok, Max, one last time. If you can beat me, I'll leave you alone." This intimidates me, because now Francis is actually going to try to fight. I had easily defeated him the past couple of times, but can I still defeat him? I am tired and weary. I call out from what has become the family room of my house, to Jeff, who is cooking in what has become the kitchen of my house, "hey Jeff, wanna sub in?" Jeff silently continues to cook in his flowery apron, and does not respond.
But then I feel guilty and selfish from putting Jeff in danger, so I decide instead to finish the duel myself. And so it begins. This time, the struggle is much more intense. Francis blocks or dodges all of my stabs and even manages to get his hands on one of my knives! He throws the knife at me... and it bounces off my body harmlessly, due to his lack of skill in the art of knife-throwing. After another short struggle, I finally have him in an inescapable headlock, my knife trained on his head, ready to thrust.
The dream ends abruptly at this moment, and it is assumed that I kill Francis with a final blow to the head. I believe the reason for this dream's abrupt ending is a vain effort to avoid an R-Rating due to "excessive gore."
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