I regain consciousness.
"Fully automatic?" I hear one guard ask. "Yes" is the response.
A blurry image of a guard loading up an AK-47, most likely to shoot me.
Like in any computer game, I quickly look around for objects to exploit for a quick escape. This is a hairy situation; 5 guys with fully automatic rifles, all about to shoot at me just as I am awakening. I realize that the use of "fully automatic" weapons is actually a clue for me; I can assume these bozos are stupid, suck at aiming, and will suffer from high recoil.
I spot a pile of explosives. I suddenly run towards the explosives. They shoot at me. Boom.
The force of the explosion throws me off my feet, but I quickly get up. The small hostage room in which I was held is now crumbling to the ground. Encompassing this hostage room is a house full of bad guys who were at a quiet meeting (murdering me was not the main event of this gathering) and are fortunately disoriented by the explosion. In the chaos and confusion that I have caused, with people screaming and bullets flying everywhere, I sprint out the large garage door of the house towards where my car is parked.
I hide behind a tree and bust out my James Bond remote control. My sleek car screams into the scene and halts near the house, where upwards of a hundred enemies are pursuing me. Remaining hidden behind the tree, I press one button on my remote. Instantly, upwards of a hundred micro-rockets are ejected from the car's roof -- one for each of my enemies. Every "rocket-propelled bullet" seeks and enters the skulls of my enemies and explodes inside their brains -- save one. One bullet has somehow only crippled, rather than killed, its intended target. The 50-yr-old man crawls towards me on his hands and knees.
"Oh well," I think to myself. What can he do anyway? I drive my car into the water, where it transforms into a speedboat. Somehow the 50-yr-old has developed superhuman crawling/swimming abilities and is in hot pursuit of my car/boat. He grabs onto the side of my boat. He uses telepathy to instill scary images in my mind: I hallucinate that I am now underwater in an eerie green light. Right in front of me dangles the elongated, misshapen white skeleton leg of some emaciated white creature with a distorted face.
I am freaking out so I wake up. Sleep paralysis ensues. When this happens I usually try to use my working muscles -- fingers, sometimes hands, sometimes a bit of arm -- to make some noise to wake myself up; IT NEVER WORKS. This time I tried a REALLY LOUD SNORE, because apparently I can control my snoring muscles while sleep-paralyzed. The snore fails to jerk me awake and in fact only succeeds in scaring me more, making me panic. Seconds later I wake up and can move all my muscles -- phewphf.
