In this in-depth analysis, I refute the validity of the claim that using "gay" in place of "stupid" is offensive towards homosexuals.
Please examine the following statements:
"That class is so gay."
"That class is so retarded."
"That class is so stupid."
"That class is so lame."
As you can see, all three statements above are misleading and do not represent the person's true sentiment: that the class is displeasing. "Gay" literally means that the class itself is homosexual, which is impossible because the class is an abstract concept and does not have a sexual orientation. "Retarded" means that the class is mentally ill, which is again impossible for the very same reason. "Stupid" means that the class is unintelligent, which is impossible because the class does not have a brain. Lastly, "lame" implies that the class is disabled, which is obviously impossible because the class does not have body parts.
One can argue that using these words in place of "displeasing" implies that gayness, retardness, stupidity, and lameness are very displeasing attributes. People who are gay, retarded, stupid, or lame are minorities that are being picked on as we use these conventions. While this argument has merit, it must be considered equally for all words "gay," "retarded," "stupid," and "lame," so as to not give an unfair advantage to homosexuals over other minorities such as disabled people. For example, one cannot say that it's alright to say "lame" but not to say "gay," because that would arbitrarily imply that gay people take priority over disabled people, which is DISCRIMINATION.
Because all variants of "this class is displeasing" are equally flawed in technical grammatical logic, opponents of using "gay" in place of "stupid" would have to devote their lives to convincing everyone to say "displeasing," not only in place of "gay," but also in place of "retarded," "stupid," and "lame."
This is silly and unfeasible, and would make everyone sound Victorian and/or British.
Therefore we should keep saying gay.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Increase your productivity
Classic Max Loh scenario:
Max on cell phone: Hay babe let's play ultimate
Bad Person #1: Hell naw I have a midterm in 2 weeks!
Max on cell phone: Hay babe let's play ultimate
Bad Person #2: Naw dawg I gots an essay due in 3 days!
"I have a midterm in 2 weeks" (or even 3 days) is NO EXCUSE for refusing to play Ultimate Frisbee, to swim, to play Starcraft, or to do parkour. Only "I have a midterm tomorrow" is acceptable.
Very few students I know work at full speed. "Full speed" can differ from person to person but the fact is, if you haven't done either of the two things below you have never worked at full speed. These are the only two methods to achieve full speed:
1. Set up a reward system.
This was my system back in those middle school days, when my mom had utmost power over me. I was addicted to Diablo 2. My mom might let me play Diablo 2 if I finished my homework. I finished my homework quickly so I could reward myself with some Diablo 2. Why not just pretend to finish homework? you might ask. WELL THAT KINDA DEFEATS THE PURPOSE OF THIS GUIDE DOESN'T IT
2. Procrastinate as much as possible.
If it's an essay, procrastinate until you expect yourself to finish about 2 hours after your regular bedtime. Allot one page per hour. For example, if I have a 5-page essay due tomorrow and my regular bedtime is 1:00am, I procrastinate until 10:00pm. You will realize that working under pressure greatly increases speed without sacrificing quality! You might be able to achieve up to 2 pages per hour, rather than 1. If it's a midterm, procrastinate until some arbitrary time exactly one day before the midterm. You will find that with only 1-5 hours of study, you can achieve the same grade as you usually do on tests for which you study up to 20 hours!
Disclaimer: If the assignment in question is particularly interesting or exciting, neither of these methods are necessary for "full speed" productivity.
Most people start early and work slowly because they have never summoned the courage to experiment with more efficient work ethics. I hope you apply either of the two tested and proven principles to your studies. It will increase your productiveness, increase your free time, and decrease my anger at you for not playing ultimate frisbee.
Max on cell phone: Hay babe let's play ultimate
Bad Person #1: Hell naw I have a midterm in 2 weeks!
Max on cell phone: Hay babe let's play ultimate
Bad Person #2: Naw dawg I gots an essay due in 3 days!
"I have a midterm in 2 weeks" (or even 3 days) is NO EXCUSE for refusing to play Ultimate Frisbee, to swim, to play Starcraft, or to do parkour. Only "I have a midterm tomorrow" is acceptable.
Very few students I know work at full speed. "Full speed" can differ from person to person but the fact is, if you haven't done either of the two things below you have never worked at full speed. These are the only two methods to achieve full speed:
1. Set up a reward system.
This was my system back in those middle school days, when my mom had utmost power over me. I was addicted to Diablo 2. My mom might let me play Diablo 2 if I finished my homework. I finished my homework quickly so I could reward myself with some Diablo 2. Why not just pretend to finish homework? you might ask. WELL THAT KINDA DEFEATS THE PURPOSE OF THIS GUIDE DOESN'T IT
2. Procrastinate as much as possible.
If it's an essay, procrastinate until you expect yourself to finish about 2 hours after your regular bedtime. Allot one page per hour. For example, if I have a 5-page essay due tomorrow and my regular bedtime is 1:00am, I procrastinate until 10:00pm. You will realize that working under pressure greatly increases speed without sacrificing quality! You might be able to achieve up to 2 pages per hour, rather than 1. If it's a midterm, procrastinate until some arbitrary time exactly one day before the midterm. You will find that with only 1-5 hours of study, you can achieve the same grade as you usually do on tests for which you study up to 20 hours!
Disclaimer: If the assignment in question is particularly interesting or exciting, neither of these methods are necessary for "full speed" productivity.
Most people start early and work slowly because they have never summoned the courage to experiment with more efficient work ethics. I hope you apply either of the two tested and proven principles to your studies. It will increase your productiveness, increase your free time, and decrease my anger at you for not playing ultimate frisbee.
Friday, October 2, 2009
You need to hair!
Jeff and I, along with a small crowd of random people, are standing in a nice carpeted room inside a library, listening to a lecture. Jeff whispers to me that two girls in front of me are "really hot." I see that one of the girls he was referring to is very ugly, with boyish red hair. By reflex, I say, "EW" much too loud, such that the girls are able to hear.
Somehow the girl with red hair knew that "ew" was directed at her, so she becomes offended. She says it "brings back bad memories." I finally convince her that we were talking not about her, but about "eating food n' shit."
We all go out the building into the rain. There, the girl hugs her boyfriend. I am happy for her because I thought she considered herself ugly. The redhead then tells me that she used to be obese. I am happy to inform her that she is no longer fat or ugly at all (which is the truth, because in my dream her face was changed, and she was no longer the same ugly redhead I saw earlier).
Jeff and I start to make our way back towards the building. As I turn back to get a last glimpse of the girl, I see that the rain has thoroughly messed up her hair, transforming it into a great big puffy heart-shaped clump of hair on top of her head. It looks like an elaborate headdress. A nearby girl, in an effort to inform the redhead that she needs to fix her hair, points at the heart-shaped clump of hair and breaks out into a song in the tune of Numa Numa. She sings, perfectly, accompanied by perfect backbeat AND a backup singer, "You need to hair. You need to hair. You need to hair. You need to hair-hair." (the word "you" is on the pickup beat, or to be precise the 2nd beat, on the same musical pitch as "need." "Need" corresponds to the "my" syllable in the original song's "myah-hee." All other rhythm and music is identical to the original Numa Numa.)
I find this extremely hilarious and break down in laughter as I try to follow Jeff back into the library. "bahahahaha.... You need to hair!" I quote, laughing my ass off. Jeff does not find this amusing at all, and is already inside the library. I wake up feeling very amused.
Somehow the girl with red hair knew that "ew" was directed at her, so she becomes offended. She says it "brings back bad memories." I finally convince her that we were talking not about her, but about "eating food n' shit."
We all go out the building into the rain. There, the girl hugs her boyfriend. I am happy for her because I thought she considered herself ugly. The redhead then tells me that she used to be obese. I am happy to inform her that she is no longer fat or ugly at all (which is the truth, because in my dream her face was changed, and she was no longer the same ugly redhead I saw earlier).
Jeff and I start to make our way back towards the building. As I turn back to get a last glimpse of the girl, I see that the rain has thoroughly messed up her hair, transforming it into a great big puffy heart-shaped clump of hair on top of her head. It looks like an elaborate headdress. A nearby girl, in an effort to inform the redhead that she needs to fix her hair, points at the heart-shaped clump of hair and breaks out into a song in the tune of Numa Numa. She sings, perfectly, accompanied by perfect backbeat AND a backup singer, "You need to hair. You need to hair. You need to hair. You need to hair-hair." (the word "you" is on the pickup beat, or to be precise the 2nd beat, on the same musical pitch as "need." "Need" corresponds to the "my" syllable in the original song's "myah-hee." All other rhythm and music is identical to the original Numa Numa.)
I find this extremely hilarious and break down in laughter as I try to follow Jeff back into the library. "bahahahaha.... You need to hair!" I quote, laughing my ass off. Jeff does not find this amusing at all, and is already inside the library. I wake up feeling very amused.
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