Scary nightmare: "Leg in bed" -- Do not read if easily scared

So I'm having sex with some random girl in my bed when all of a sudden my suitemate Chris returns to the apartment. He announces "Hi Max!" so I quickly jump out of bed and close/lock the door before he sees us.

At this point I look at my bed and notice that there is some protrusion, that looks somewhat like someone's leg, dangling out from under the covers with the foot just touching the floor.

I get closer to it and verify that it is indeed the girl's leg.

Wait a minute... the girl had already gotten out of bed and was standing next to the bed, not IN my bed... WTF WHOSE LEG IS THAT THEN? And how did he/she get into my bed without either of us noticing?

I walk towards the protruding leg... and BOOM I am thrown across the room with great force and my body slams into the opposite wall. The covers fly everywhere and I can't really get a good look at the evil leg, or whatever owns that leg. But I know it's a bad thing.

I get that ticklish feeling in my left armpit like someone is poking me in the ribs (very characteristic of my nightmares ever since I was 3). Waking up is very uncomfortable.

Girlfriend raped dream

I was out with a girl and we had to go to the bathroom. I noticed that the girl's bathroom had a dude in a hazmat mask pretending to be a zombie, but for some reason I was okay with it and thought it was totally normal. So she goes into the bathroom but the "zombie" follows her to the stall... now that is not normal.

Unfortunately as I am about to go save her I am simultaneously attacked by two men. Fortunately I am able to quickly incapacitate one with some non-judo such as knees, but he keeps getting back up so I resolve that I have to kill him. At this point my other attacker, for whatever reason, became unhostile to me, so I explain to my other attacker that "I am not trained to kill" so it takes me a while to crank his neck until he dies.

Then I go in to save my girl in the stall but it's too late; she's already been raped. I see that the guy has left behind a one-dollar bill (implying she is a one-dollar ho) and a note saying "Dear Max, I had fun raping her" etc. So then I find the guy hiding in the stall and start beating him to pieces intending to kill him, only to realize later that I am actually beating on a stuffed animal which is unkillable, much to my dismay and anger. He must have been raping her through a proxy stuffed animal or something.

I ask her why she didn't cry out for help but she says she can't answer. This pisses me off and I tell her she is like one of those stereotypical movie or video game characters that can't reveal plot details until later on, but she tells me she really has her own good reason for not telling me. So I accept that because I love and trust her. Then I realize she has somehow turned into this weird-looking white girl who is a head taller than me and has black cheeks that are puffed out, and weird lips. I still love her, but I remark to her that she has grown much taller in the past hour.

Anyway it's time to escape this hotel room before the bad guys figure out we didn't die. We have been constantly on the run from bad guys with limited gas in our car and limited cash, staying periodically in hotels, so it's time to leave (by the way I LOVE this thrilling recurring dream, perhaps even more than the zombie apocalypse dream). So we jump out the window but the bad guys hear us and begin to chase us. I press the "unlock" button on my car key. A car begins to flash its lights, but I know it's not mine and is instead a decoy trap set by the bad guys. After jumping over a bad guy car who tried to run me over, and running a while longer, I finally find my car. Alas, we were not finished packing from yesterday and there's a giant swivel chair behind my car and the trunk is open. No problem, I throw the chair in the trunk and start the car. But my girlfriend heads off in a different direction and jumps into a completely different car, which works to my surprise. But I want us both in my car so I motion for her to jump into my car. So here I am driving my car with all its doors open trying to pick up my girlfriend who is on the run from the bad guys trying to run her over. Quite a sight.

Finally she is able to hop in my car, but at this point my car became a bus, and the bus driver said we were at max capacity. I wasn't about to let a stupid bus driver stop us from escaping the bad guys! "No problem," I said, "Just keep stalling him until I drive us to the bridge, and then we won't be able to turn back anyway." So I floor the gas pedal, but suddenly the drawbridge in front of us raises, thereby trapping us! I had the brief idea to turn around and go the other direction but realized that we were on a boat! We were therefore trapped with the bad guys on a medium-sized boat, due for another day of trying to kill/avoid bad guys...

Before I awaken, I remark that my subconscious is a brilliant story writer for putting me in this inescapable situation. In reality, it's just because I was stupid enough in my dream state to accept that driving a bus onto a boat is normal, and that busses usually have two drivers.

War between Children of China and Taiwan (using pigs as ammo)

There was a war between China and Taiwan except only the children were involved. The parents just supervised their children. The water separating China and Taiwan was actually only a small stream, about 10 feet wide. The China children and Taiwan children stood on their respective shores and tried to shoot each other with their blowgun darts. However, the blowguns had not enough range; the darts fell short of their targets.

So both sides started to build a bridge out of ice cream cones. They put the ice cream cones they were eating (with ice cream inside them) into the river, and as the blobs of ice cream were discarded and floated away into the stream, the cones were stacked together to form a bridge. Incidentally the ice cream cones were about the same size as a child's body. But just when the bridge was almost completed, a baby hog shot out from underwater, through the tube of one ice cream cone, and onto Taiwanese land. Apparently China was also using ice cream cones as funnels for their newest weapons system: Hogs giving birth.

China somehow had lots of hogs ready to give birth -- hundreds, in fact. As a hog gave birth the baby hog would SHOOT OUT of the mother's uterus at astonishing speeds. The ice cream cone would funnel the baby and aim it towards Taiwan.

During all this there was a narrator explaining China's hogs-giving-birth secret weapon to me, in English. My Taiwanese friend asked me what he was saying so I had to translate everything into Chinese. It's nice to have dreams that force me to practice my foreign languages.

The Shrieker

At a department store

Girl cries out

We go see what's wrong

She said she saw/heard something resembling a Shrieker.

"Yeah, Shriekers are the worst..." someone remarks.

But everyone is convinced that nothing is wrong, including myself. She was just seeing things. We reassure her. Plus, with all these nice people around me I feel very safe. I never expected any evil creature to appear at this moment...

All of a sudden out of the corner of my eye I see a HEADLESS, NAKED MAN sprinting towards us from behind the aisles, at 70 miles per hour! The Shrieker unleashes a blood-curdling scream. We're all fucked.

I don't even have time to dodge. He runs into me first. At the instant of contact I feel my body turn cold, and the nightmare-spasms begin. Sleep paralysis lasts about 20 seconds before I wake up with a deep breath.

face book nightmare

The following is not a nightmare about facebook, but a nightmare involving a face and a book.

Setting: Library/laboratory/hospital. There are bookshelves and study desks, but also flasks, test tubes, and sinks.

I'm sitting at a table with four people just chatting. Nearby, a woman is standing near a bookshelf and flipping through its books, looking for something.

Suddenly the woman at the bookshelf becomes motionless. Her back is turned towards us and she is still facing the bookshelf, but she is frozen.

"Hey, are you okay?" I yell. Upon further inspection I discover that she is leaning forward slightly, her face turned to the side and stuck to one of the books. Her right cheek had literally been glued to the cover of one of the books on the shelf. She does not respond. She needs immediate medical attention. The first step would be to get that book off the shelf. But who is up for the task? Moving the book from its current position could potentially REVEAL SOME EXTREMELY GROSS THINGS. The girls who were sitting at my table take notice of the situation and gather around the bookshelf in curiosity. Alas, I realize that I am the only man nearby; gender stereotypes kick in and I know I have to be the one that moves the book from the bookshelf.

But the situation is really scary. "Don't look at the book," I tell myself. So instead of using my hand to move the book like a real man would, I display a great feat of flexibility as I lean back, lift my foot up high, and poke that book with my toe. As the book falls off the shelf, it rips free from the woman's melted face. her body drops onto the floor, lifeless, the entire right side of her face nothing but black charred flesh. Unfortunately, I cannot avoid looking at the book. On it, the gelatinous goopy remains of her melted face stare back at me.

"Nightmare climax" having been achieved, I now experience the familiar (and extremely unpleasant) symptoms of coming out of a nightmare. The muscle spasms. The ticklish feeling. The overwhelming fear. And, to top it off, a hallucination of a crossbreed between a skull and a fat guy's face, which is laughing at me.

Finally, I gain control of my snoring muscles and let out the loudest snore I have ever made, thereby waking myself up.

Aragorn Rides a Dolphin, Fried Egg becomes Lady Gaga

Here I was enjoying my semi-conscious dream state, prancing around in a forest. I lay down on my back in the damp grass. I reached out with my hands and felt the soil underneath me. It was nice and cool, refreshing. Silver clouds loomed above me, and I beckoned the rain to come... everything was more real than real life, and I could smell the earth. In this limbo between dreaming and waking, all of my senses were heightened as if I were on drugs instead of asleep.

Unfortunately, everything was suddenly interrupted by none other than... Aragorn, son of Arathorn, riding a dolphin in the clouds! Needless to say, my heightened semi-conscious state was broken. My view floated to the clouds so I could get a better look at him and the dolphin. He spoke some words to me in a British accent.

Not long after Aragorn and the dolphin rode past me, a fried egg also appeared out of nowhere, cruising the clouds like it's the most normal thing for fried eggs to do! The fried egg was able to "cook" parts of itself by extending out its limbs into the sun from within the clouds. It cooked both its hands until they turned to an obsidian black, then put its pair of obsidian black patches over its own face -- a fresh new pair of highly stylish sunglasses! It was then revealed that the fried egg was actually lady gaga in disguise; that made a lot of sense to me in my dream logic, because lady gaga always uses the most outlandish ways to express herself visually in her music videos.

Asians are bad drivers + the art of saving gas

In this 2-in-1 article I discuss why Asians are bad drivers, and how to save gas.

ASIANS ARE BAD DRIVERS:

Asians are notoriously frugal (because their parents instilled them these ideas or because they value money, etc.). They are trying to save gas and maintenance costs...

-Distance: Asians will maintain a larger distance from the car in front of them than most people. In fact, I usually maintain a distance of 2-4 times the average distance between cars. This has the disadvantage of allowing other cars to cut in; however, it serves the advantage of reducing the frequency of breaking and accelerating. If the car in front breaks, the Asian does not have to hit the breaks every time, and therefore no momentum is lost. Momentum conservation is a key theme in gas preservation.

-Red lights: Asians break the convention of cruising/rushing to the pedestrian line and obediently stopping at the red light. Instead, Asians will slowly drift towards the red light, hoping for it to turn green so they can continue accelerating without sacrificing all of their momentum.This will piss a lot of people off and they will complain that the Asian is driving too slowly.

-Shade: Asians will hog shade from the truck beside them if it is a very sunny day, and if traffic is slow.This will piss people off because the Asians will often stop prematurely at a red light, or go slower than usual during a traffic jam with an ever-growing distance between himself and the car in front.

-Going uphill: Asians will try to start going uphill very fast, then gradually slow down over the course of the uphill stretch, to save gas (more on this later). This will obviously piss a lot of people off, particularly if the Asian is in the fast lane and in the "slow" phase of going uphill, or if for some reason the Asian had to slow down due to cars in front of him and is now cruising at 60 mph refusing to go faster until the incline ends (I always switch out of the fast lane if this happens but sometimes there are too many cars in the other lane, and also, even next-to-fast lane cars don't want to be stuck behind 60 mph; for the record I blame the cars in front of me that were going at 65 mph which forces me to slow from 70 to 60).

DISCLAIMER: If you are offended by this (for which I do not blame you, even if you are not Asian) by all means feel free to substitute "Max Loh" for "Asians", because I basically just talked about how I drive.

THE ART OF SAVING GAS:

-DISTANCE: Distance is great not only for safety purposes but also for saving gas. If the car in front of you breaks and you are only 5 feet behind him, you will be forced to break, sacrificing your momentum. However, if you are 100 feet behind him you can simply take your foot off the gas pedal; chances are he will start accelerating again after a couple seconds anyway. This "buffer" reduces the amount of breaking and accelerating. Many aggressive drivers like to rush from car to car, always accelerating then breaking then tailgating. These people are not good at saving gas.

-RED LIGHTS: Do not simply cruise/accelerate to the red light and then break at the end like a normal person. In fact, you must apply the brakes UNCOMFORTABLY EARLY. At a red light you always want to maximize your "expected speed" when the light turns green. There are probably advanced statistics models for how to calculate this, but they are not practical and we must rely on estimation. If you are going too fast, you minimize the DURATION over which you can take advantage of your leftover momentum. If you are going too slow, you minimize the QUANTITY of your leftover momentum but increase the duration for which you can take advantage of said leftover momentum. So, one must strike a middle ground. Always apply your brakes such that the "expected turn green point in time" coincides with your car hitting the pedestrian line. If there are one or more cars waiting at the light, the problem becomes much more complicated as you have to account for the time it takes all of them to begin moving.

-GOING UPHILL: ALWAYS START GOING UPHILL AS FAST AS POSSIBLE. A car going uphill for 1 mile at 100 mph will use much less gas than a car going uphill for 1 mile at 10 mph. Physics explanation: Assume no air resistance, blablabla etc, a car needs a force of F just to keep it moving at same speed or staying still, if going uphill. Would you rather apply F (aka use gas) over the course of 5 minutes or 2 minutes? The less time you need to apply F, the better. Also, INCREASE YOUR SPEED DURING VALLEYS. There will be uphills and downhills throughout your driving and you should try to "increase your speed" (I use this term instead of accelerate, which might mean simply pressing the gas pedal, which you should always be doing) while at the bottom of a downhill to uphill scenario.

Physics explanation: Assume a model in which we have a car that goes downhill for 1 mile then uphill for 1 mile. Now, given an impulse F*t which we can all agree is representative of the amount of gas you will be using, and you can only apply this impulse either during the downhill or during the uphill stretch. Now, common sense tells us that the end result will actually be the SAME no matter what, because change in momentum = impulse. In fact I thought this for a long time and was convinced that my uphill gas-saving strategy was based on superstition.

However, COUNTEREXAMPLE (refer to NICE PHYSICS DRAWING): Assume the uphill stretch is a bit longer than the downhill stretch, such that if you did nothing at all, your car would roll down the downhill, and up the uphill... almost crossing the finish line... but then roll backwards back down the hill. Let's imagine you are allowed to use F force for 60 seconds, and F is EXACTLY the amount of force necessary to keep the car either staying still or same speed while on the uphill stretch. So if you apply this force F at the near-end of your car's journey, where it's almost crossing the finish line and its velocity is exactly 0 and it's about to fall back down, you will net a whopping ZERO METERS in distance no matter how long you accelerate for! Because F is exactly the amount of force necessary to keep the car either staying still or same speed while going uphill. If you were to apply the force at some other time such as when the car was going fast at the bottom of the valley, one can clearly imagine that this would increase the car's velocity and allow it to clear the finish line. So how is this paradox explained?

When gravity comes into play, your NET impulses are actually different, even though the impulse due to the effort from the car is identical in both situations. Instead of pointing out why these are different, which is hard even for me to wrap my mind around, allow me to re-phrase this qusetion in terms of energy, which is better suited for the math in this question, rather than momentum. Now we all know that more speed = more kinetic energy, and change in kinetic energy = WORK. and work = F*d. Now it becomes easy to envision why it's better to floor that accelerator while going fast rather than while going slow. Or, to put it more accurately, at the peak of gravity's helping you rather than at the peak of gravity's hindering you. For the SAME AMOUNT OF TIME spent flooring the pedal (e.g., 1 second), in one situation you get to apply that force across a greater distance because gravity has already helped you attain a nice speed to get a lot of F*DISTANCE per F*TIME, whereas in the other situation you only apply that force for a lesser distance as gravity has worked against you and reduced your gains for a given impulse.

PLEASE RESPOND; PHYSICS NERD DISCUSSIONS ARE HIGHLY ENCOURAGED.

nice physics drawing. d on both sides are equal. Theta on both sides are equal. Epsilon basically just means "a small value" making the right side a tad bigger than the left side.